I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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