This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
