I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
