i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
