Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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