i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The best revenge is premature balding
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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