When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
