she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
