if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
