Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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