i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
