Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
