Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
