I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
