so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
