I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
