why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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