Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
