In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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