HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
