Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
