I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
