i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's always time for handjobs
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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