She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
