I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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