you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
