Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Found the puke drawer
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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