I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
