i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
