What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
try to milk me bitch
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