i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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