I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
