I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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