I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
