Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
