I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
What a dumb baby whore.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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