puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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