Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
