how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
