i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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