Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
