just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
A bitchslap is in order.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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