Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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