he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
