i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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