I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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