I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
porn star boner night. come get it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
