she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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