well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
