Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
