Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
