The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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